Navigating Career Growth vs. Family Priorities: A Real Dilemma for Women in Tech
Ever feel like you’re stuck between two impossible choices: climbing higher in your career or protecting your time with your family?
One of my female clients recently shared:
“I feel like I should be pushing for the next level in my career. I have 14 years of experience and should be aiming for principal-level roles. But on the other hand, the extra demands and responsibilities would add pressure on top of being a mother of two. Deep down, I don’t want that level of stress, yet I also feel my career is stalling.”
This dilemma is all too common for women in tech who’ve worked hard to reach mid-senior levels. The pressure to chase the next promotion is real, but so is the fear of losing the family life they cherish. In a world that celebrates relentless career progress, it’s no surprise many women feel torn and, frankly, guilty no matter which direction they choose.
Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
The pressure to “keep climbing” often stems from external benchmarks: a principal engineer role by X years, a leadership position by Y. But do those benchmarks align with what you actually want?
For my client, the real question became: What does “progress” look like to me?
Sometimes, it’s not about a fancier title. It could mean mastering new technical domains, leading a specialized project, or building a more flexible schedule that fuels your creativity.
Practical Tip: Write down your top three values (e.g., family, learning, autonomy). Compare any new opportunity against these values to see if it enhances them or crowds them out.
Embrace Flexibility Over Rigid Boundaries
My client initially tried to separate work and family into neat compartments—shutting off Slack at a strict hour, refusing after-hours tasks. She quickly realized that neither a leadership role nor motherhood fits into a perfect 9-to-5.
In fact, one missed Slack notification about an urgent architecture review stalled a major deployment for 24 hours, leading to frustration across her team. That’s when we recognized the problem: fully switching off at 5 PM wasn’t realistic for her role, and it was causing more stress, not less.
Instead, she switched to a flex-centric schedule: occasionally taking important calls after bedtime and, in exchange, reserving chunks of daytime for school pickups and quality time.
Surprising Insight: True balance is about integration, not separation. Stepping away mid-afternoon for time with your kids can actually improve your performance in the evening.
Focus on High-Impact Work, Not “All the Work”
Advancing to principal or leadership roles demands strategic thinking across multiple teams. But that doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything.
The best leaders I know focus on tasks that move the needle:
• Technical decision-making
• Setting architectural standards
• Coaching junior engineers
They don’t attend every meeting or micromanage every detail.
Practical Tip: Use an impact filter. Whenever a new request comes your way, ask, “Will this produce significant outcomes aligned with my goals?” If the answer is no, delegate or decline.
Communicate Candidly About Your Priorities
A common fear among women in tech is that being open about family commitments might be seen as a lack of ambition. But the truth? Teams respect you more when you’re transparent and consistent.
Try this:
“I’ll be offline from 4–7 PM for family time but available for critical escalations after 8 PM.”
When colleagues see that you deliver results and maintain boundaries, trust actually increases.
Deep-Value Lesson: Hiding your personal priorities leads to burnout. Clear communication fosters support from both peers and leadership.
Challenge the “Next Step” Narrative
There’s nothing wrong with aiming for a principal role. But ask yourself: Do I actually want this, or is it what I think I should want?
Sometimes, lateral moves or specialized roles offer more meaningful growth without the stress that comes with high-level visibility. Interestingly, not chasing the biggest title right away can even sharpen leadership skills over time, because you’re free to deepen niche expertise or mentor others in a smaller scope before jumping into a broader role.
Counterintuitive Truth: Staying at your current level while deepening your technical expertise or leading strategic projects can bring more career satisfaction and keep your home life intact. There’s no one-size-fits-all career path.
Going One Level Deeper
It’s normal to feel conflicted between career growth and family priorities. But you don’t have to choose one at the expense of the other. The key is getting crystal clear on your definition of success and shaping your career around it.
I tried to force a “9-to-5 only” approach, only to find my team needed cross-time-zone collaboration. My solution involved a flexible schedule and, more importantly, leaning on a framework I now call the Role-Value Clarity Framework. It helps clients pinpoint their non-negotiables, set realistic boundaries, and still aim high where it truly counts.
In my coaching experience, this approach attracts fewer “quick-fix” seekers but resonates deeply with women who value both professional growth and meaningful family involvement.
Over the past decade, I’ve guided dozens of women in tech through these very dilemmas, helping them harness the rewards of ambitious roles without sacrificing what matters most at home. My role is to help you discover a personalized strategy that works for you, not just hand you off-the-shelf advice.
Struggling with this balance?
Let’s build a career strategy that works for you without sacrificing what matters most. Book a call with me here.
In a world full of superficial career hacks, deeper conversations about real trade-offs and true flexibility are the new gold standard.
Now it’s clear, well-formatted, and professional! Let me know if you need any further refinements. 🚀